In Islamic tradition, Hadiths—sayings and actions attributed to the Prophet Muhammad—are held up as authoritative guidance for Muslims, especially when graded as Sahih (authentic). One such Hadith, found in Sunan Abi Dawud 2049 and authenticated by Al-Albani, presents a troubling exchange about marriage, fidelity, and gender dynamics that demands scrutiny. Let’s dive into this text, unpack its implications, and confront the uncomfortable questions it raises for modern readers.
The Hadith: Text and Translation
Here’s the Hadith as recorded:
Arabic Text:
قَالَ أَبُو دَاوُدَ كَتَبَ إِلَىَّ حُسَيْنُ بْنُ حُرَيْثٍ الْمَرْوَزِيُّ حَدَّثَنَا الْفَضْلُ بْنُ مُوسَى، عَنِ الْحُسَيْنِ بْنِ وَاقِدٍ، عَنْ عُمَارَةَ بْنِ أَبِي حَفْصَةَ، عَنْ عِكْرِمَةَ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، قَالَ جَاءَ رَجُلٌ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ إِنَّ امْرَأَتِي لاَ تَمْنَعُ يَدَ لاَمِسٍ . قَالَ ” غَرِّبْهَا ” . قَالَ أَخَافُ أَنْ تَتْبَعَهَا نَفْسِي . قَالَ ” فَاسْتَمْتِعْ بِهَا ” .
English Translation:
Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: A man came to the Prophet (ﷺ), and said: My wife does not prevent the hand of a man who touches her. He said: Divorce her. He then said: I am afraid my inner self may covet her. He said: Then enjoy her.
(Reference: Sunan Abi Dawud 2049)
What’s Happening Here?
The scenario is straightforward but jarring. A man approaches the Prophet with a complaint: his wife doesn’t resist when other men touch her. The Prophet’s immediate response is to tell him to divorce her. But when the man admits he might still desire her despite this issue, the Prophet reverses course and says, “Then enjoy her.” On the surface, this seems like practical advice—either end the marriage or stick with it if you can’t let go. But dig deeper, and the problems pile up fast.
A Patriarchal Double Standard
This Hadith reeks of a patriarchal framework where women bear the full weight of maintaining marital honor. The wife is faulted for not stopping other men from touching her, as if her body is a battleground for her husband’s dignity. There’s no hint of questioning the men who touch her or the husband’s role in addressing the situation—only her failure to “prevent” is highlighted. This places an unfair burden on women to police their own boundaries, while men are absolved of responsibility.
Then comes the kicker: “Enjoy her.” After suggesting divorce, the Prophet pivots to what sounds like a callous endorsement of the husband’s physical desires. It’s as if the wife’s behavior, whatever it entails, becomes irrelevant once the husband admits he still wants her. Her agency vanishes—she’s reduced to an object to be discarded or kept based on his whims. This isn’t advice for a partnership; it’s a transaction where the husband’s lust trumps any deeper marital concerns.
Dismissing the Husband’s Own Conflict
The man’s hesitation—“I am afraid my inner self may covet her”—reveals his emotional turmoil. He’s worried about infidelity or inappropriate conduct, yet can’t shake his attachment. Instead of probing this conflict or suggesting a way to address the root issue (like, say, confronting the wife or the men involved), the Prophet’s response essentially shrugs it off. “Enjoy her” dismisses the husband’s distress, implying that as long as he’s still attracted, the marriage can limp on. It’s a disturbingly shallow fix for what could be a serious breach of trust.
Historical Context: A Weak Defense
Apologists might argue this reflects 7th-century Arabian norms, where personal boundaries and gender roles were different. Maybe “touching” had a specific cultural meaning, or divorce was a quick fix for social harmony. Fine—context matters. But leaning on “it was a different time” doesn’t erase the Hadith’s implications when it’s upheld as timeless guidance. If this is Sahih, Muslims are expected to see it as relevant today, not just a relic. And today, it clashes hard with ideas of mutual respect and equality in marriage.
Modern Implications: A Problematic Legacy
Imagine this advice in a contemporary setting. A man says his wife doesn’t stop unwanted advances—maybe she’s too passive, maybe she’s flirting, maybe she’s being harassed. The response? Dump her unless you still want her in bed, then just carry on. It’s a recipe for dysfunction, not a marriage. Worse, it reinforces a view of women as passive gatekeepers of virtue, judged and disposed of based on male prerogative. For a religion claiming moral superiority, this Hadith exposes a troubling underbelly of gender inequity.
Some Muslims might reinterpret “enjoy her” as a call to focus on the marriage’s positives or to forgive. But that’s a stretch—the text offers no hint of reconciliation or mutual effort. It’s a unilateral directive that sidelines the wife entirely. And for critics, it’s fuel for the fire: evidence of Islam’s foundational texts entrenching male dominance and female subordination.
Conclusion: A Text That Fails the Test of Time
This Hadith, despite its Sahih status, lays bare the patriarchal tilt of early Islamic teachings. It’s not just outdated—it’s actively at odds with modern values of partnership and consent. For Muslims who champion gender equality, it’s a hurdle that demands creative reinterpretation or outright rejection. For critics, it’s a stark example of why Islamic tradition can feel irreconcilable with today’s ethical standards. Either way, it leaves us asking: how does a faith rooted in such texts adapt to a world that’s moved on?